IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are afraid to leave their houses because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crimes. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary era,
crime
Use synonyms
 has emerged to become one of the most prominent and complex issues facing societies worldwide.
This
Linking Words
 has raised the question
for
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 people to
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
go out of their houses or not.
While
Linking Words
 some support that more efforts should be taken to help diminish
this
Linking Words
 issue, others argue that nothing much can be done. I firmly believe in the former idea and will state the reasons for the same. Opponents argue that,
due to
Linking Words
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 in the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 nowadays, individuals have a feeling of insecurity for themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the primary reasons for
crime
Use synonyms
 are poverty, unemployment, socio-economic disparity among communities and lack of proper actions by government has
Linking Words
furthermore
Rephrase
further
show examples
 exacerbated the situation.
For example
Linking Words
, individuals from economically
disadvantged
Correct your spelling
disadvantaged
 communities treat
crime
Use synonyms
 as a defensive tool.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, proponents support that with increased measures, strict rules and regulations we can definitely deter its impact.
For instance
Linking Words
, given that there are strict punishments against serious criminals, they will think twice before committing a
crime
Use synonyms
 like that.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the government should invest more in social welfare programs, provide free education to all and have vocational
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 for poor people, it will not only help combat the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate but
also
Linking Words
 help boost the economy of the nation.
In my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 opinion, I totally support the idea that more steps with the help of the government can we can reduce the fear of
crime
Use synonyms
 which has been built in people
such
Linking Words
 as
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
following simple steps like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 increasing police patrolling and installing surveillance cameras in public places will not only help to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 help provide
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 for the judicial cases. In conclusion, it is undeniable that with
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 rate of
Use synonyms
crime
Add a comma
crime,
show examples
 there is a sense of insecurity among citizens but if taken proper steps
this
Linking Words
 can help deal with the issue better. By using simple ideas
such
Linking Words
 as police patrolling, installing surveillance cameras, implementing stricter laws against the offenders and increasing
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 for programs
such
Linking Words
 as social welfare, vocational
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 and free education for all we can have a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
safer society for everyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main point. Each part should flow smoothly to the next with clear links.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples that relate directly to your points. This would make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check your writing for small grammar and word choice mistakes. These can affect how well your ideas are understood.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the issue clearly, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion neatly wraps up your main points, showing your overall opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: