IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is believed by some that women make better leaders than men, such as in companies or government.Do you agree or disagree with this belief?

In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 It is widely believed that
Use synonyms
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
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 make better
leaders
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in both companies and government roles.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
a person
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 certainly
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 value to leadership, I strongly agree that
Use synonyms
daughter
Correct article usage
a daughter
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 Use synonyms It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. are often more effective
due to
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 their cautious approach to risk,
as well as
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 their high level of resilience and adaptability. One main reason why I agree is that
Use synonyms
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
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 are generally more cautious about taking unnecessary risks.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, when they manage corporations or governments, they are more likely to reinvest profits to accelerate controlled growth, rather than extract profits as equity.
For example
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, major healthcare companies like Kaiser Permanente or car manufacturer organizations like General Motors require
leaders
Use synonyms
 who are careful in their decisions with strong leadership skills.
As a result
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, they are less likely to make risky investments that could put their employees’ livelihoods at risk. Of course, some level of risk is necessary for growth, but recognizing and managing those risks responsibly helps both employees and the company to flourish(show) together. Another significant point is that
Use synonyms
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
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 tend to their resilient longer than
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, female
leaders
Use synonyms
 are well-equipped to support and lead their teams with empathy and adaptability in times of change.
daughter
Use synonyms
 who pursue career advancements
such
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 as direction roles often face greater challenges than
person
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 multiplies for
Use synonyms
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
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 who are marginalized in other ways too,
such
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 as having a disability.
Consequently
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,
this
Linking Words
 resilience often translates into greater determination, inner strength, and clarity, all of which can boost their effectiveness as
leaders
Use synonyms
. Despite the many obstacles females often face, they are able to persevere(continue) through them to pursue their goals. In conclusion, I believe that
grandmother
Fix the agreement mistake
grandmothers
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 excel(shine) as
leaders
Use synonyms
 because of their ability to manage risks wisely(intelligently) and remain resilient in the face of challenges. These qualities make them highly effective in leadership positions, whether in business or government.

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language
Make sure to use the correct word forms such as 'women' instead of 'daughter' or 'person'. This will help you get a better score on vocabulary.
organization
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to make it clear whether you agree or disagree.
coherence
Link your ideas better by using words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that relate directly to your argument. This can help strengthen your points and make your essay more convincing.
organization
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
ideas
You show a good understanding of leadership qualities and how they relate to women.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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