IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The traffic congestion and housing problems can be solved by moving the large industrial and factory and their employees to the rural area what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, it has been argued that the best way to tackle the problem of traffic congestion and housing in urban areas is by moving large industries and
manufactures
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
show examples
 with their workers to the countryside.From my point of view
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
l absolutely disagree with the statement
due to
Linking Words
 the damage which will happen to the environment in the area. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will support my opinion by showing the drawbacks. One of the main disadvantages of taking the business facilities to the rural areas is that it will cause issues for the local people.
This
Linking Words
 means they will not only experience the traffic ,but
also
Linking Words
 all kinds of pollution,
such
Linking Words
 as air pollution, noise even water pollution.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they used to live in a quiet place and a healthy lifestyle, if they are moving that to
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 their
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 lives will be ruined ,and they may get angry so which could cause a massive strike.Take China as an example 2000, they had a significant increase in traffic jams because of the lorries for manufacturing
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
then
Linking Words
t
Correct your spelling
they
 failed to address
this
Linking Words
 by moving the location to the
country
Use synonyms
 ,and
finally
Linking Words
,the issue was solved ,but the
country
Use synonyms
's
people
Fix capitalization
People
show examples
 were not happy. Another negative to support
that
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the worst solution is that the crops might be ruined in the future .
As a result
Linking Words
, the
country
Use synonyms
 will see a dramatic drop in the number of harvesters . Despite the fact that people will face a real starvation , the other cities around the
country
Use synonyms
 will see a rise in the natural proudest as they are becoming rare . In conclusion, having looked at the topic in detail , on balance,
this
Linking Words
 method had more negative than positive
Check wording
effects,it
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it is true that the problem will disappear in the capital city , but it will cause it in other states. In my opinion, it is a wild idea to make it so
l
Punctuation problem
. l
show examples
hope the government think of other ways.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines your main points. This will help the reader understand your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly, with a main idea in each paragraph. Each paragraph should focus on one point to help the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases (like 'firstly', 'in addition', 'however') to create smoother connections between your ideas.
task achievement
You clearly express your disagreement with the idea, which establishes a strong position.
task achievement
You provide reasons for your disagreement that show consideration of different aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: