IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that government should encourage industries and businesses to move from large cities to countryside. Do you think that advantages outweighs the disadvantages?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the higher authorities should
allows
Wrong verb form
allow
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 distinctive companies and businesses to operate their work
from
Change preposition
in
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 the countryside
area
Check wording
apply
show examples
.I think it has more benefits as compared to the demerits because it will help improve the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 conditions in the urban area and
people
Use synonyms
 will
be experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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 less congestion on the roads. To commence with , the primary advantage is that it will help to improve the
environment
Punctuation problem
environment,
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 as many industries produce harmful gases in the air
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide .These gases have detrimental impacts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human health
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
prone
Verb problem
are prone
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 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 diseases like asthma.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the health report
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was conducted
in
Change preposition
apply
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last
Linking Words
 year revealed that more than 20% cases have been recorded with
people
Use synonyms
 who have breathing problems
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the number of patients
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing day by day . Another benefit is that
people
Use synonyms
 may
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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 less congestion on the roads and they will not
stuck
Verb problem
be stuck
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
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 inside the city
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will help them reach
to
Change preposition
apply
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their destinations on time. On the downside, it has a lot of
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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Punctuation problem
. the
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the
Fix capitalization
The
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 first one is that employees will spend more time to reach their offices .
For instance
Linking Words
, as per BBC News
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 who are working in the city approximately spend 30 minutes
to commute
Wrong verb form
commuting
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 masses consume more than
a
Correct article usage
an
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 hour
reach to
Correct word order
to reach
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Correct article usage
the country
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country side
Use the right word
countryside
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area
Check wording
apply
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for work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the companies may
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of
labor
Use the right word
labour
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 because the majority of individuals have no private vehicles
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
car
Correct article usage
a car
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they gave up on their jobs because they cannot afford or buy a car to commute.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 notion invites more pros
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
; thus
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human
Punctuation problem
, human
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 health is a priority
also
Linking Words
 ,
due to
Linking Words
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 traffic jams
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 feel ecstatic and will be able to complete their tasks in
convenient
Correct article usage
a convenient
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 manner.

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task achievement
Make sure your ideas clearly connect to the main point of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your essay better with clear paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to back up your claims.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion about the topic.
task achievement
You mentioned health and traffic as key points, which are relevant to the topic.
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