Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

In
todays
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today's
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world, A
lot
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of
individuals
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believe that
television
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and
computer
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games
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that have
violence
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in them are damaging
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
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others believe that it has no damaging effect on
the
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apply
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society
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.I strongly believe that
violence
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on
television
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and in
computer
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games
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has a damaging effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
Firstly
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,
Television
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and
video
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games
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are not always about
violence
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,
while
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some
Television
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and
video
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Use synonyms
games
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game
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companies try to attract older people by adding
violence
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to make them sell more
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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just to attract more people to their brand name.
For example
Linking Words
, a
lot
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of
video
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Use synonyms
games
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game
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companies create
games
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which is based on
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violence
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violence,
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so
basically
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basically,
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if you
tried
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try
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to stop the
violence
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or try to avoid
it
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it,
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you
cant
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can't
play the
game
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and
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, and
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the whole
game
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is based on
violence
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. In recent
years
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years,
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companies started to
age rate
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age-rate
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each
game
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and
tv
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TV
show examples
show
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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makes sure no one younger than the required age to watch or play.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, A
lot
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of
individuals
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in the
society
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believe
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violence
Correct word choice
that violence
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on
television
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and in
computer
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games
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have
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has
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no significant influence on people's
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
,
Which
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which
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I really agree with. Healthy and mentally normal
individuals
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shouldn’t be
effected
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affected
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by some
violence
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on
tv
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TV
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or in
video
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games
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,
actually
Punctuation problem
actually,
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some
individuals
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relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
their stress when playing
video
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games
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with
violence
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or watching
television
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shows.
For
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instance
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instance,
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drifting
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driving
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a car in a
video
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game
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rather than doing it in real life and causing a
lot
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of problems. In conclusion,I strongly believe that
violence
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on
television
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and in
computer
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games
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has no damaging effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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,
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.
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As I stated
before
Punctuation problem
before,
show examples
it sometimes could prevent real
violence
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from
happing
Verb problem
happening
show examples
in the real world.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' to improve flow between ideas.
task achievement
Develop your points more fully and provide more examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main opinion clearly without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You expressed a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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