IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the percentage of online retail sales for different sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the percentage of online retail sales for different sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given pie charts compare the online
sales
Use synonyms
 for retail sectors in New Zealand in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
travel related
Use the right word
travel-related
show examples
 purchases are more in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. On the one hand, the purchase of
Use synonyms
travel related
Use the right word
travel-related
show examples
 equipment is the highest
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 36%. Clothes are the second highest in
sales
Use synonyms
 with 24%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
 of film and
music related
Use the right word
music-related
show examples
 items with 21%. Books are the least sold with 19 percentage in the
year
Use synonyms
 2003.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
 of film and music
contributing
Wrong verb form
contributes
show examples
 over 33%.
Travel
Use synonyms
 equipment is the second highest in
sales
Use synonyms
 with 29%. Books
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 increase in
sales
Use synonyms
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 22% from 19% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2003. Clothes
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 reduced from 24% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2003 to 16% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013.
To conclude
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people prefer to buy
Use synonyms
travel related
Use the right word
travel-related
show examples
 equipment
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online and prefer
less
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
to purchase
books
Correct word choice
fewer books
show examples
 and clothes.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, year, travel with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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