IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their freetime. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the prevailing era,
children
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 are the future of every nation. It is an argued issue whether
children
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 are motivated by parents
in participating
Change preposition
to participate
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 in group
activities
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 in their leisure
time
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 or they should decide by themselves how to
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
show examples
 their
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will not only discuss both viewpoints
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 my opinion is
also
Linking Words
 highlighted. Commencing with the most salient reason why parents ought to stimulate their
children
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 to participate in group
activities
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 is to enhance their essential skills
Linking Words
such
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, such
show examples
 as collaboration, teamwork, and caring. Many
children
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 are more likely to be part of a team in which they work together. They share their different perspectives with each other and respect their opinion. These things are valuable in academic and professional settings.
On the other hand
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, I believe that
children
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 should be empowered to choose their free
time
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activities
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. It can help them to become independent. They rely on their
judgements
Use the right word
judgments
show examples
 and decision-making abilities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are crucial for developing independence.
For example
Linking Words
, during making a timetable of their free
time
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, a child learns to make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 by
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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/
herself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 motivating
children
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 by parents to take part in
organized
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organised
show examples
activities
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 can help to boost their
cardinal
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cognitive
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 skills that bring tremendous benefits to their present and future life, I think that
children
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 should have the freedom to choose their leisure
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time
Punctuation problem
time,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help them to be independent.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a clearer overall structure. Ensure that each paragraph flows into the next smoothly. This can be done by using linking words and phrases effectively.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your ideas clearer to the reader.
task achievement
Make your introduction more engaging and directly state your opinion. This helps the reader understand your viewpoint right away.
content
Good use of clear sentences and relevant points discussing both views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • organized group activities
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboratively
  • common goal
  • structured activities
  • discover
  • nurture
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • creativity
  • personal interests
  • cognitive development
  • problem-solving skills
  • imaginative scenarios
  • exploration
  • balance
  • pursuits
  • life skills
  • personal growth
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