IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the numbers of participants for five different activities at one social center in Melbourne and Australia between 2000 and 2020.

The line graph shows the numbers of participants for five different activities at one social center in Melbourne and Australia between 2000 and 2020.
The line graph shows the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 for five different activities at one social
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne and Australia
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Film club, martial arts, table tennis and musical performances experienced an increase in
participants
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
during the
show examples
 whole period.
Although
Linking Words
 musical performances increased gradually,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had not appeared before 2005. At the beginning of the period, table tennis increased slightly, before it sharply rose and hit a peak
around
Change preposition
of
show examples
 55 visitors in 2020.
whereas
Linking Words
, amateur
dramatic
Use the right word
dramatics
show examples
 dropped sharply from 30
participants
Use synonyms
 to less than 10
participants
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the number of visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 martial arts fluctuated over the whole period. The film club
participants
Use synonyms
 were the highest among the others,
although
Linking Words
 it levelled off between 2005 and 2015 by 5%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the musical performance visitors increased gradually and reached 20 people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words participants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: