IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less.

Recently
Punctuation problem
Recently,
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 unhealthy foods and
beverages
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
have become
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 more popular than healthy food. It claims that
people
Use synonyms
 are more
favourable
Correct word choice
likely
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 to drink sugary
beverages
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to discuss and examine the reasons and the situations of
this
Linking Words
 trend. On the one hand, there are various reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 drinking high sugar
content
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, they are easy to obtain and less costly. If
compare
Correct pronoun usage
we compare
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 healthy
beverages
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is more costly and they are hard to find
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because not all
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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 offer healthy and less sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 attempt to drink unhealthy
beverages
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 might lead to multiple diseases
such
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 as Diabetes Mellitus.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they assist in physical and cognitive abilities because sugary
beverages
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 are high
with
Change preposition
in
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 glucose level
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
; as
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 a result,
people
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 who have a lot of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 tend to
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drinks
Wrong verb form
drink
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 them to be more energetic in
short
Correct article usage
the short
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 term.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there will be a set of rules that should be
done
Verb problem
followed
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 to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. The government should
place
Verb problem
implement
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 an awareness program to help and encourage individuals to reduce the consumption of
high sugary
Use the right word
high-sugar
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drinks
Use synonyms
 and explain the problems
that link
Verb problem
associated
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 with them.
In addition
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, supermarket owners should motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to drink healthy
drinks
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 by giving them and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 products that are healthy in their
super markets
Use the right word
supermarkets
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. In Japan, 83% of their supermarket sell healthy
drinks
Use synonyms
 with less sugar
content
Use synonyms
 which
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 medical problems and
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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healthier citizens.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my own perspective, I totally believe that drinking unhealthy
drinks
Use synonyms
 has a negative
feedback
Check wording
impact
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 on
Correct article usage
a person
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person
Check wording
person's
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 life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, individuals should know the
content
Use synonyms
 and
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
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 of their
drinks
Use synonyms
 before they buy them. In conclusion, authorities should motivate citizens to be
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
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 and avoid high sugar
content
Use synonyms
 food and
drinks
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 multiple disadvantages and bad effects. I suggest
everyone
Correct word choice
that everyone
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to
Verb problem
apply
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start
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle as it helps them and
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
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 getting diseases in the future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion. Each part should connect well to the others.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific diseases related to sugary drinks.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar mistakes and sentence structure. This will help your writing to be clearer and easier to understand.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas more. For example, explain how the awareness programs will work or what they will involve.
task achievement
You present a clear understanding of the reasons people drink sugary drinks. Your personal opinion at the end shows engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main ideas and gives a call to action. This makes your essay feel complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
What to do next:
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