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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the number of
books
Use synonyms
 that have been borrowed from 4 local libraries , and the pie chart demonstrates the preference for different kinds of
books
Use synonyms
 that have been borrowed .
Overall
Linking Words
 , it's clear that West Eaton and church mount witnessed a dramatic increase during the period shown .
While
Linking Words
 Ryeslip has a sharp fall ,
in addition
Linking Words
 , Sutton Wood figures fluctuated among the four months .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , fiction was the most borrowed book , after that the biography
subsequently
Linking Words
 the two history and science , with the same percentage, in terms of self-help
books
Use synonyms
, was at least . To be more specific , the reyslip was on top of the libraries in the beginning by 300
books
Use synonyms
 , to a huge drop
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 175 in the end . West Eaton and church mount were at the bottom by 50 to a significant soar by 150 . Sutton started with 250
books
Use synonyms
 and witnessed a fluctuation to reach the peak by the end of the period with around 300 .
Thereafter
Linking Words
 , the fiction was the largest proportion by 43 % , after that biography with 19% ,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history , science were at the same percentage by 14% ,
finally
Linking Words
, the self-help was the lowest by 10 % .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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