IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe that it is more important to give their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many scholars prefer to explore other studies from the main curriculum in university,
while
Linking Words
 others suppose that remaining on the path to obtain a certificate should be the priority. In my opinion, it is beneficial to learn about other subjects during learning, because it can not only extend
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 abilities to cooperate with other fields but
also
Linking Words
 prepare them
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 entering the working society. One of the reasons that undergraduates might intend to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on studying other topics is
because
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that they want to broaden their career
posibilities
Correct your spelling
possibilities
 for the future. It could be helpful to their future if they can increase their
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wilder related
Use the right word
wilder-related
show examples
 topics, which could
also
Linking Words
 advance the opportunities to be
employeed
Correct your spelling
employed
 after graduation.
However
Linking Words
, some of them might spend too much
time
Use synonyms
 on studying
unecessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 fields
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, it is important for collegians to select proper related
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
. It is an advantage for
students
Use synonyms
 to connect with other
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 subjects because they can learn to cooperate with people from other fields, so that they could probably have a large range of social
net
Check wording
network
show examples
 when they graduate. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
.
if
Fix capitalization
If
show examples
 psychology
students
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 learn
art related
Use the right word
art-related
show examples
 programmes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school,
then
Linking Words
 it is likely that they would be able to find an art therapy job.
As a result
Linking Words
, as long as the learners can ensure that they will get the certificate, it is fine for them to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 their
time
Use synonyms
 on different matters. In conclusion, if
students
Use synonyms
 can manage their
time
Use synonyms
 well on planning what to learn,
then
Linking Words
 it would
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 create
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
positives
Fix the agreement mistake
positive
show examples
 effect on them, so they should geniusly
organize
Use the right word
organise
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 schedule
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to show what the paragraph will talk about.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to check spelling and grammar, as there are some mistakes that can affect understanding.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant examples in your essay, which helps support your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views as required by the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: