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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The charts illustrate the information on the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 aged
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60-64 in
employment
Use synonyms
 in four countries in 1970 and 2000 . In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will summarise these two below.
According to
Linking Words
 what show , in the
men
Use synonyms
's figure
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 increased in 1970 ,
also
Linking Words
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the highest
men
Use synonyms
 workers,
while
Linking Words
 the other countries had the same proportion of
employment
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2000, figure
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 decreased.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 aged 60-64 in
employment
Use synonyms
 has the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 compared to
men
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 in the 1970s and
2000
Correct your spelling
2000s
. In
Japan
Use synonyms
 , older
women
Use synonyms
 work more because they have the best health.
Also
Linking Words
, Belgium had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 , around 8% and 7% in all years. In conclusion , the figure explains the difference between
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 in four countries ( Belgium ,USA ,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Australia) .
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 at
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 age is compared to that of
Use synonyms
men
Punctuation problem
men,
show examples
have
Verb problem
which is
show examples
 the highest.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, women, employment, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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