IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

6.Teenagers nowadays spend too much time on playing video games. Describe the effects on teenagers, families, and society. Report the measures to solve the problem.

In today’s contemporary world, many young people
today
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apply
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spend most of their
time
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 playing video
games
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. In
this
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 essay, I will elucidate the effect of it on teenagers, their
family
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families
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 and society and suggest some possible approaches to address
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, spending too much
time
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 on playing video
games
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 can undermine youngsters, their families and society. The first perspective is that it can make the
children
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 neglect their education in order to spend most of their
time
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 entertaining
by
Correct pronoun usage
themselves by
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 playing
games
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.
Therefore
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, if
this
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 situation continues to occur in the future, it can undermine
the
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their
show examples
grade
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grades
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 and social interactions
of
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apply
show examples
them
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apply
show examples
.
For example
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, many
children
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 tend to engage in online battles constantly, leading to insufficient
time
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 to finish assignments and create social contact with other people.
Consequently
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, an effective approach could be necessary to completely remove
this
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 situation since it generates permanent effects and has
Correct article usage
a passively
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passively
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passive
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impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
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 on
educational
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the educational
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 path
as well as
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societal
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the societal
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 interaction of teenagers.
On the other hand
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, there are some possible measures that can be implemented to address
this
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 situation. One of them is that the
companion
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companionship
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 of
parents
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, which is important in nurturing
children
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,
parents
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 can manage the leisure
time
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 of
children
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 by creating a timetable for them or spending
their
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apply
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quality
time
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 communicating with their offspring.
Additionally
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, it is
also
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 crucial to enhance
children
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’s awareness, so students and
parents
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 could provide lectures about the negative impacts of playing video
games
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could directly affect the mindset of a child.
For example
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, by introducing the harmfulness of spending most of the
time
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 playing
games
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, many youngsters become nervous and scared
,
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;
show examples
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hence
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hence,
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 they spend their
time
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 wisely. In conclusion, wasting
time
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 on playing
computer’s
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computer
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game
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games
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 can have many negative impacts on
children
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's lives
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such
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, such
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 as
becoming
Verb problem
neglecting
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 neglectful
in
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apply
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school’s
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school
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 curriculum, but there are many methods to solve these problems
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such
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, such
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 as enhancing the companionship of
parents
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.
Finally
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,
children
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 need the care and guidance from
the
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their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 and society to reach their potential and prevent them from neglectful activities.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows logically from the previous one.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure you clearly state the negative effects in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You addressed solutions to the problem, which is important.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive effects
  • Physical inactivity
  • Video game addiction
  • Social impairment
  • Communication breakdown
  • Financial strain
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Academic performance
  • Cultural norms
  • Parental control
  • Time management
  • Alternative hobbies
  • Support groups
  • Counseling services
  • Balanced lifestyle
What to do next:
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