IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Differences between genders
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 always
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
cotroversies
Correct your spelling
controversies
although
Linking Words
 it is widely studied and debated. An opinion says that some fields are only supposed to be exclusive
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one gender without the other. As it sounds extreme in
this
Linking Words
 day and age, I personally agree that some jobs
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 suit the opposite gender.
Firsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
although
Linking Words
 the gap between the two
genders
Check wording
genders'
show examples
 qualities and characteristics shrank in the modern age. They are still
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
 genders. Genes and hormones
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 the main role in
specifieng
Correct your spelling
specifying
 each
gender
Check wording
gender's
show examples
strengthens
Replace the word
strengths
show examples
 and weaknesses. A
man
Check wording
man's
show examples
 bone structure and muscle density
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 him suitable for
security
Correct article usage
a security
show examples
 role
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 instance.
Thats
Use the right word
That's
show examples
why
Punctuation problem
why,
show examples
 when a study
conducted
Verb problem
was conducted
show examples
 two years ago in
kuwait
Fix capitalization
Kuwait
show examples
, most citizens stated that they feel
more safe
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
 and secure dealing with a male police officer rather than a woman. In the matter of fact, a female prison guard would be more vulnerable to the dangers in a prison than a man.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
 when dealing with the most violent people within a community. Moving on, a famous
kuwaiti
Fix capitalization
Kuwaiti
show examples
 website has
released recently
Correct word order
recently released
show examples
 a huge database analytics of the educational sector. It indicates that early learning schools with female crews
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 huge numbers in
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
 when compared to the mixed and the male
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
.
Women
Check wording
Women's
show examples
 nurturing abilities and empathic traits made people feel more comfortable
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their schools. Another difference is the ability to multitask. In my piano lessons, boys
suffered
Verb problem
struggled
show examples
 with using both hands
following
Wrong verb form
to follow
show examples
 the melodies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the girls learned it faster as it was natural because of the way female brains
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the debate between men and women
isnt
Correct your spelling
isn't
 a debate between better and worse. They both complete each other.

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Task Response
Your introduction should clearly state your main opinion and the reasons why. It's important to clearly express your viewpoint on excluding genders in certain professions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and each idea is well-developed with reasons and examples. This will help your points stand out better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and check spelling and grammar to improve clarity. Phrases like 'always risen controversies' should be corrected for better fluency.
Task Response
You included personal experiences which made the essay more relatable.
Task Response
Your points about the physical differences between genders were relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal views
  • inherent biases
  • professional capabilities
  • gender inclusivity
  • equal opportunities
  • diversity
  • unique perspectives
  • physical attributes
  • psychological attributes
  • workplace adaptations
  • modern advancements
  • legal frameworks
  • gender discrimination
  • ethical implications
  • career opportunities
  • case studies
  • real-world examples
  • traditionally dominated
  • successful outcomes
  • atypical roles
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