IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Natural resources, such as water, forests and oil, are being used at an excessive rate. What are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Raw materials,
such
Linking Words
 as H₂O, wood, and petroleum, are being
utilized
Use the right word
utilised
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 at a high rate. The primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the wasteful lifestyle in many countries in the West, and the viable solution is a public awareness campaign educating the public on how to reduce their consumption of natural
resources
Use synonyms
. Countries in North America and Europe have a culture of waste.
That is
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 to
say
Add a comma
say,
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 their lifestyles involve consuming lots of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 for their transport, food and leisure time.
For example
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, the most popular car in the USA is the SUV, which has the lowest fuel efficiency of any car
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is not unusual for the average home in Europe to have a TV in every room,
along with
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 many other electronic devices.
This
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 results in a huge amount of energy being consumed in the form of petroleum in cars and coal and gas in electrical power stations. Many have become so used to
this
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 type of luxury that it is very difficult for them to contemplate a life without modern conveniences. To tackle
this
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 problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of consuming lots of natural
resources
Use synonyms
—
Punctuation problem
,
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consuming more than necessary. The excessive use of natural
resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as oil can lead to a significant rise in global warming.
Moreover
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, these
resources
Use synonyms
 will eventually disappear if they do not change their way of life.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should reduce their consumption of these
resources
Use synonyms
 and try to increase recycling. An awareness campaign could shed some light on
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation and allow
people
Use synonyms
 to be more open and honest about it.
For instance
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, a similar initiative in KSA resulted in a 52% increase in
people
Use synonyms
utilizing
Use the right word
utilising
show examples
 renewable energy. In conclusion, the Earth’s natural
resources
Use synonyms
 are being depleted rapidly
due to
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 a lack of knowledge
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 resource consumption by Americans and Europeans.
However
Linking Words
, it can be addressed through educating individuals about the dangers.

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task achievement
Try to provide a wider variety of examples to support your ideas. This can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between your paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases. This helps the reader follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Make sure to explain all points clearly. Some ideas, like 'wasteful lifestyle', could use more detail to clarify the meaning.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion well.
task achievement
You provided examples that relate to the topic, which support the main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive rate
  • urbanization
  • industrialization
  • raw materials
  • over-exploitation
  • consumerism
  • lifestyle choices
  • deforestation
  • water scarcity
  • fossil fuels
  • depletion
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy sources
  • regulations and enforcement
  • climate change
  • efficient usage
  • investment
  • technological advancement
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