IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most essential component of a person's life is his or her time at the workplace, and life turns meaningless once no job satisfaction is obtained. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the lack of job satisfaction can lead to
meaningless
Correct article usage
a meaningless
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 life because of spending too much time working. I believe that individuals nowadays tend to prove their abilities by spending a large part of their lives at
work
Use synonyms
 to feel
satisfied
Punctuation problem
satisfied,
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whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
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 are desperate. Most
people
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 like to
fulfill
Use the right word
fulfil
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 themselves by achieving many tasks from the projects they are in charge of.
For instance
Linking Words
, you have to lead a small team and come up with new concepts and make the project happen. Once your team
reached
Wrong verb form
reaches
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 the goal, there will be a reward or promotion for you, which leads to job satisfaction.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having a new milestone at
work
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 will not only motivate you to
work
Use synonyms
 harder but
also
Linking Words
 make you more energetic to accomplish the task.
This
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 will encourage you to help other colleagues and
work
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 more
efficient
Replace the word
efficiently
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, which can help build
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 between coworkers and managers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 may find working more than eight hours will
cause
Verb problem
have
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 them,
such
Linking Words
 as mental
health
Check wording
apply
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and emotional health. They may feel frustrated or may
have
Verb problem
experience
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 pressure when working unhappily.
For example
Linking Words
, working overtime will cause tiredness, fatigue and
tense
Replace the word
tension
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will burn up all your ambitious spirit. Some
people
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 tend to kill themselves when they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
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 meet their expectations
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 may be depressed and need to take pills to
stabilize
Use the right word
stabilise
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 their emotions. In conclusion, living in a
fast paced
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fast-paced
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 era, we have many ways to gain satisfaction not only from
work
Use synonyms
. It depends on the individuals' situation and how they choose to manage.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer and provide more focus on your main argument. Try to state your opinion more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it fully. Some ideas could be developed more thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
Using more linking words would help your essay flow better. Words like 'firstly', 'however' and 'in conclusion' can help guide your reader.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples which support your points and show a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • component
  • job
  • satisfaction
  • meaningless
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
  • happiness
  • purpose
  • contributes
  • society
  • motivated
  • impact
  • mental
  • emotional
  • health
  • connections
  • relationships
  • opportunities
  • hobbies
  • personal
  • life
  • measure
  • meaningful
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