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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of the Canadian
workforce
Use synonyms
 in five major
from
Check wording
fields from
show examples
 1850 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 has been
clearly
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 that
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the Canadian
workforce
Use synonyms
 was
manufacturing
Change preposition
in manufacturing
show examples
 in 1850. It was 36%.
While
Linking Words
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the Canadian
workforce
Use synonyms
 in
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
1850 was
energy
Change preposition
in energy
show examples
/water. It was 3%.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast, the higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
workforce
Use synonyms
 in 2020 was
services
Change preposition
in services
show examples
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 81%. The lower
percentage
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 agricultural/fishing and energy/water. Their similar
percentage
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 1%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in service was 33% in
1850
Punctuation problem
1850,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 sharply
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 81% in 2020.
Also
Linking Words
, the
construction's
Check wording
construction
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 5% in
1850
Punctuation problem
1850,
show examples
then
Linking Words
slightly
Correct pronoun usage
it slightly
show examples
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
8
Change preposition
to 8
show examples
% in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
manufacturing's
Check wording
manufacturing
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 36% in
1850
Punctuation problem
1850,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 sharply declining to 9% in 2020. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
/fishing
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 22% in
1850
Punctuation problem
1850,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 gradually
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 1% 2020.
In addition
Linking Words
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in energy/water was 3% slightly decreasing to 1% in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workforce, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 11 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce composition
  • significant shift
  • increase/decrease in percentage
  • service industries
  • manufacturing
  • construction
  • noteworthy trends
  • tech industry
  • economic evolution
  • technological evolution
  • main features
  • comparisons
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