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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The illustration displays the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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amount of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 done by various groups of people. It is clear
than
Correct word choice
that
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 married women
work
Use synonyms
 more
hours
Use synonyms
 being
unpaid
Correct word choice
free
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 than men
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the working
hours
Use synonyms
 gradually increase
by
Change preposition
with
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 the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
children
Use synonyms
. A prominent feature is that in a marriage without
children
Use synonyms
, women
work
Use synonyms
 for 30
hours
Use synonyms
 per
Use synonyms
week
Punctuation problem
week,
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when
Correct word choice
while
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 men only
work
Use synonyms
 a little less than 20
hours
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
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 if they get 1-2
children
Use synonyms
, the mother increases the workload by approximately 20
hours
Use synonyms
 to more than 50 in a
week
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the husband still remains working less than 20
hours
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, if the family has more than 3
children
Use synonyms
, the wife works up to a number of about 60
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is more than 8
hours
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 no money a day. Respectively, the
work
Use synonyms
 of the men shockingly decreases and the gap between the two groups
widen
Correct subject-verb agreement
widens
show examples
 to beyond 40
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
. All of
this
Linking Words
 could be because of social inequality, old ideas still say housework is “the wife's job,” so even when both
work
Use synonyms
, women usually end up doing more.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, week, hours, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • unpaid work
  • categories
  • average hours
  • men
  • women
  • comparison
  • overview
  • highest
  • differences
  • reasons
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • cultural norms
  • work-life balance
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