IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts
present about
Verb problem
show
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 in the UK from 1988 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in 1988
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 full
time
Use synonyms
. The
rate
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 53%.
Men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the lowest
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 were estimated
6
Change preposition
at 6
show examples
%. In 2012,
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 full
time
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
employment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Punctuation problem
rate,
show examples
 were 47%.
Also
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the lowest
employment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Punctuation problem
rate,
show examples
 were 7%.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
employment
Use synonyms
 in the UK
are consisted
Wrong verb form
consists
show examples
 of four parts. They are
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 worked
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 worked in
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
similar
to
Check wording
roles to
show examples
men
Use synonyms
. In 1988, the majority of
employment
Use synonyms
 that worked in full
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
employees
show examples
 were
men
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
make up
show examples
 the highest number
Change preposition
of that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
part
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
men
Use synonyms
. The number of
women
Use synonyms
 who worked in
part
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 5,268
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
men
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 1,550. 12,539
men
Use synonyms
 worked
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 were 4,482
worked
Check wording
women worked
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. In 2012, the number of
men
Use synonyms
worked in
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 slightly rose to 13,794.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, the rates dropped to 47%.
While
Linking Words
 the
women
Use synonyms
 in
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, it gradually increased to 7,696. The proportions rose to 26%. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
tim
Correct your spelling
is
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
higher than
men
Use synonyms
 in both years. For
women
Use synonyms
,
they
Use the right word
the
show examples
were
Check wording
numbers were
show examples
 approximately 5,268 and 5,979 in 1988 and 2012. On the
otherside
Correct your spelling
other side
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, 1,550
men
Use synonyms
 in 1988 and 2,131 who
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in 2012.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rate, men, work, time, part, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • economic landscape
  • information technology
  • service industry
  • manufacturing
  • agriculture
  • sector shift
  • healthcare sector
  • public administration
  • education sector
  • advancements in technology
  • traditional industries
  • modern sectors
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