IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph (figure 2) show the percentage of men and women employed in executive positions in ACME Oil Company from July 1993 to June 1994. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the graph.

The graph (figure 2) show the percentage of men and women employed in executive positions in ACME Oil Company from July 1993 to June 1994. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the graph.
The bar chart illustrates the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
employees
Correct word order
apply
show examples
male and female
in
Correct word order
employees in
show examples
ACME
Correct article usage
the ACME
show examples
 oil
company
Use synonyms
 from
july
Fix capitalization
July
show examples
 1993 to
june
Fix capitalization
June
show examples
 1994
Overall
Linking Words
, workers in
ACME
Correct article usage
the ACME
show examples
 oil
Use synonyms
company
Check wording
company's
show examples
mens
Correct your spelling
men's
Check wording
ranks inreases
show examples
inreases
Correct your spelling
increased
 rapidly to the highest Grade A officer
Punctuation problem
, conversly
show examples
conversly
Correct your spelling
while
 the women slightly declined from officer E to officer grade A.
Moreover
Linking Words
,in officers grade D and C
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 girls and boys remain constant
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
approxmiately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 45
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
comapny
Correct your spelling
company
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 a
prfessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 start with the women
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 the opposite
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 with the
Use synonyms
company
Check wording
company's
show examples
 probabilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
show examples
 a
typically
Replace the word
typical
show examples
 cross shape of the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of the employees of men and women in the
company
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words company with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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