IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say history is one of the most important school subject. othe people believe that in todays world , subjects like science and technology are more more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use synonyms
History
Correct article usage
The history
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subject
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 is necessary
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, math and technology are more necessary than
history
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. The question is,
Use synonyms
history
Correct article usage
the history
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subject
Use synonyms
 is more essential than
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other subjects
show examples
subject
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. In my opinion, I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology and math are essential than
history
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to introduce the main idea and give my opinion. First of all, there are many people who believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history
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 is
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 part
in
Change preposition
of
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 the school. The
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 people always tend to teach the students
history
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 because the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have to know
Use synonyms
history
Correct article usage
the history
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 country.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Saudi Arabia,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 pupils
study
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history
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 three times in a
week
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 they it is enough to teach the pupils their
history
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.
However
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are other
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 of people who believe the
history
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subject
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 should not be in schools.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 think there are
not
Rephrase
apply
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any
Correct determiner usage
no
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 benefits in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the students have to develop
theirself
Use the right word
themselves
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 in studying any sciences
such
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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math a technology.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 think even three times in
week
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 is over. I think they ought to
study
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history
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 two times in
week
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while
Linking Words
 they
study
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 a science.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Japan,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 schools there
most
Verb problem
spend most
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 of the
week
Use synonyms
Change preposition
on scienes
show examples
scienes
Correct your spelling
science
 and one time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
history
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I would argue that the pupils should
study
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history
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
However
Fix capitalization
however
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, not as much as they
study
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 a science. I mentioned a good example in Japan and how
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they deal with it. Kim

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger.
general
Check your grammar and punctuation. Some sentences are missing commas and have small mistakes.
task achievement
Try to avoid repeating the same ideas and use different words to express your points.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you state it at the start of the essay, which is good.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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