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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows a comparison between the unemployment rate and the number of people leaving Ireland from 1988 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows a comparison between the unemployment rate and the number of people leaving Ireland from 1988 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph provides key information about the
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, also
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also
Rephrase
as well as
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 the figures for
people
Use synonyms
 who quit Ireland between 1988 and 2008. The units are measured in
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 and numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that both
Use synonyms
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leaving Ireland decreased during the 1990s.
In addition
Linking Words
, both lines remained stable for a few years,
then
Linking Words
 rose again after 2006.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, in 1988, the
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was around 17% , and more than 60,000 left Ireland. After that, both figures dropped steadily until 2000. In 2000,
unemployment
Use synonyms
 fell to about 4%, and only 20,000
people
Use synonyms
 left. In terms of the years 2000 to 2008, the
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 stayed low for a few years,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 leaving
also
Linking Words
 remained under 30,000.
However
Linking Words
, in 2008, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who immigrated rose quickly to nearly 50,000,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
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Use synonyms
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 increased slightly.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, rate, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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