IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that children at school should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be spent on learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many individuals
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that
kids
Use synonyms
 at school should be learning the science and importance of
food
Use synonyms
 and how they can make it
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
; on
show examples
 the other
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 others say that they should be learning other important subjects that will help them find
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 future major. Many people
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that children should be taught the
Use synonyms
sience
Correct your spelling
science
 and importance of what they eat.
Kids
Use synonyms
 need to understand the importance of
food
Use synonyms
 for many reasons .
Linking Words
Firstly
Punctuation problem
Firstly,
show examples
 they need to know the
difrence
Correct your spelling
difference
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 so they can maintain
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 health.
Alot
Correct your spelling
A lot
 of adults
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 know the
Use synonyms
sience
Correct your spelling
science
 of what they eat can that leeds to severe
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 issues. I think
kids
Use synonyms
 must know the science and
essential
Fix the agreement mistake
essentials
show examples
 of what
thy
Use the right word
they
show examples
 eat.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 many individuals assume that
kids
Use synonyms
 must be
tight
Use the right word
taught
show examples
 important
sujects
Correct your spelling
subjects
 at school for many reasons .
they
Fix capitalization
They
show examples
 say that teaching children
Use synonyms
sience
Correct your spelling
science
 and math
im
Correct your spelling
is
 much important than teaching them
Use synonyms
food realted
Correct your spelling
food-related
 studies. The
kids
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to learn how to
handdle
Correct your spelling
handle
 the world with basic math and
Use synonyms
sience
Correct your spelling
science
 that helps them with
achiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
 it by learning it
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 a young age at school . They say that
shcools
Correct your spelling
schools
 should not waste
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 time on
non important
Use the right word
non-important
show examples
 subjects that
wont
Correct your spelling
won't
 help them find
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 future major. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that
kids
Use synonyms
 must be
tught
Correct your spelling
taught
 both the
Use synonyms
sience
Correct your spelling
science
 of what they eat and important
suject
Correct your spelling
subjects
 schools should focus on them both.
Balence
Correct your spelling
Balance
 is key
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they should
focous
Correct your spelling
focus
 on both
sujects
Correct your spelling
subjects
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Check your spelling and grammar. Words like 'belive', 'sience', 'they're', and 'helth' need correction. Use a dictionary if needed.
structure
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
content
Add specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a healthy food choice or a math skill needed in daily life.
content
You presented both views clearly, showing you understand the topic well.
structure
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion effectively, highlighting the importance of balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: