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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the process of making chocolate. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the process of making chocolate. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given diagram illustrates the
way production
Check wording
process
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
chocolate
Verb problem
producing chocolate
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the procedure has ten steps to produce a final
chocolate
Use synonyms
, beginning with
riping
Verb problem
ripening
show examples
 red
pots
Use the right word
pods
show examples
 from cacao trees and ending with the production of liquid
chocolate
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of cocoa  tree can be seen
countries
Change preposition
in countries
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 like America, Indonesia and Africa.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
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 red pots are harvested
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 white cocoa
beans
Use synonyms
 are inside them. In the following two stages, white
beans
Use synonyms
 are fermented
by
Change preposition
with
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 leaves and spread in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 to dry. After that, they are put in large sacks.  
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they are transported by lorry or train to the factory.
Next,
Linking Words
the product has been completed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the factory.
After
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 stage has been roasted
in
Change preposition
at
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 360 degrees. It continues with roasted
beans
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 put in a divider and outer shells
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 removed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
beans
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 crushed.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the process, the inner part of
Use synonyms
beans
Correct article usage
the beans
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pressed
Verb problem
is pressed
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 by a roller. The process ends with liquid
chocolate
Use synonyms
is produced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chocolate, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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