IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes in UK’s birth rate for women in six different age groups from 1973 to 2008.

The chart below shows the changes in UK’s birth rate for women in six different age groups from 1973 to 2008.
The chart below gives information about the changes in the UK’s
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 for females in six different
age
Use synonyms
 groups from 1973 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 women the 30 to 40
age
Use synonyms
 of women had the lowest
birth
Use synonyms
 rates,
however
Linking Words
, around 20 to 29
age
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 had the highest
Rate
Use synonyms
 of childbirth. Beginning from the Under 20
years
Use synonyms
 of female
birth
Use synonyms
,
firstly
Linking Words
, it was equal to 60 births per 1000 in the year 1973, and it was considered an un-compromised line. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 peak was not maintained in 2008 with 40 births per 1000. In
age
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 35 - 39 had the best increase line, it was 40 per 1000 in 1973 and after an initial period of sharp growth , until the 60
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2008. And in the over-40
years
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 group among women, it had the lowest rates, it was 20 per 1000 , and it remained at the bottom. Starting from the
years
Use synonyms
 30 and 35, there has been a modest upward trend until 80 per 1000. In the
age
Use synonyms
 group 20 and 25, it was the highest
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 peak was not maintained, and it dropped to 80 per 1000. And the final highest
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was in the
age
Use synonyms
 group 25 and 29 , it was equal to 140 per 1000 in 1973 , and it had a small decline to 120 in 1978 , and again it increased to 140
birth
Use synonyms
 rates , and it was considered , albeit to varying degrees , until the year 2008.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, rate, age, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: