IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The
illusrated
Correct your spelling
illustrated
 line graph
demostrates
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
 the number of people
presented
Replace the word
present
show examples
 in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 with a vast
rangeof
Correct your spelling
range of
 ages for over 11 years,
berween
Correct your spelling
between
 2000 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be witnessed, the attendance of all age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 in the
cineme
Correct your spelling
cinema
 climbed over the given period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the popularity of the
cinema
Use synonyms
 for teenagers was
Change preposition
at the
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest level
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 individuals in 35 and over of age were the least interested in spending time in the
cinema
Use synonyms
. In 2000, the number of 15-24 aged people went to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 stood at the greatest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
about
Punctuation problem
, about
show examples
 15%
whereas
Linking Words
 it was the minimum for 35 and over
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
show examples
 1%. By 2011, watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 became more
favorable
Use the right word
favourable
show examples
 among 15-24, rose significantly, reaching roughly 51%.
Meanwile
Correct your spelling
Meanwhile
, individuals with 35 and over
age
Check wording
apply
show examples
had a stable increase, standing at
aooroximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 12%. Turning to two other groups, the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
7-14-year children
Correct your spelling
7-14-year-olds
 and 25-
35-year youngesters
Check wording
35-year-olds
show examples
 started at 10 and 5 in 2000, respectively.
both
Fix capitalization
Both
show examples
 of them
relatively showed a
Correct word order
showed a relatively
show examples
 stable climb, ending at 30%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: