IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?

In today's world, there are various opinions regarding
food
Use synonyms
 preservatives as chemicals in
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
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industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry
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, and it is important to consider both the merits and demerits. In my opinion, the potential dangers from
this
Linking Words
 are greater than the benefits we receive. On the one hand, chemical substances offer several benefits in
food
Use synonyms
 processing industries. One of the major advantages is that
food
Use synonyms
long-lasting
Verb problem
is long-lasting
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, which is achieved via the use of artificial additives which help manufacturers sell their products more conveniently. To exemplify, nowadays in some developing countries
dairy-based
Punctuation problem
, dairy-based
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 products utilise preservatives to reduce the rate of spoilage of their crops.
This
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 highlights the positive impact of chemicals in
food
Use synonyms
 manufacturing.
On the other hand
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, there are some significant drawbacks
as a result
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 of using chemical ingredients to have a longer shelf life. A main disadvantage is their side effects, leading to the risk of contracting digestive diseases. To elaborate, most additives, which are derived from mixing a diversity of chemicals, threaten people's health.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the USA, recently it has been reported that many individuals suffered from the consumption of sausage, which used a great portion of detrimental
additives
Punctuation problem
additives,
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illustrates
Wrong verb form
illustrating
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 the negative effects of chemical usage in Provisions.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 chemical derivatives offer both benefits and challenges, I am of the opinion that the meals without the existence of preservatives might be more nutritious for human health, outweighing their functional role in the
food
Use synonyms
 industry.

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task achievement
The introduction sets the stage well, but be clearer about your main argument. State your position more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every point made directly links back to your main argument about the dangers outweighing the benefits.
task achievement
You clearly identified both the advantages and disadvantages of chemicals in food, showing a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main point succinctly, reinforcing your opinion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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