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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.
The bar graph represents the worth of one country's porting in different types between 2015 to 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart represented
Use synonyms
Petroleum
Correct word choice
that Petroleum
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 proportion
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2015. In terms of
Use synonyms
textiles
Punctuation problem
textiles,
show examples
 was minimum number
provided
Verb problem
was provided
show examples
 by
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
Petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 are similar to Engineered goods
proportion
Check wording
was similar
show examples
 in 2016.
And agriculture
Correct word choice
Agriculture
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 and
textiles
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
show examples
parallel
Fix the agreement mistake
parallels
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2016. To
compared
Wrong verb form
compare
show examples
 these years by
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 graph, which
is
Verb problem
shows that
show examples
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most significant proportion. In detail, the 61
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
 of
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 amount in 2015. The remaining export commodities all fall below the benchmark of 60 million. They are ranked in descending order
,
Punctuation problem
:
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 engineered goods(57
billion
Use synonyms
), Gems and jewellery(42
billion
Use synonyms
), agricultural
products
Use synonyms
(31
billion
Use synonyms
),
Use synonyms
textiles
Correct word choice
and textiles
show examples
(25
billion
Use synonyms
). In summary, in 2016’s export commodities,
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 and engineered goods maintained nearly identical figures (61
billion
Use synonyms
). Agriculture
products
Use synonyms
 and
textiles
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 remained comparable at 31
billion
Use synonyms
. Among the given 2016 export commodities, only gems and jewellery maintained a median value.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words petroleum, products, textiles, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • export value
  • trend analysis
  • anomalies
  • percentage change
  • sector analysis
  • global demand
  • domestic production
  • economic conditions
  • technological advancements
  • international regulations
  • economic growth
  • trade relations
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