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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ste five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ste five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people who ate five portions of vegetables and fruits per day in the UK from 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, from 2001 to
2008
Change preposition
In 2008
show examples
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of all people was slightly increased
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 From 2001 to 2006,
women
Use synonyms
 and children were slightly up,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 grew, in a short period,
men
Use synonyms
 remained at a steady level.
However
Linking Words
, from 2004 to 2007,the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 rose gradually .In 2001 to
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
 statistics of
men
Use synonyms
 and
womenstayed
Correct your spelling
women stayed
 the same ,
while
Linking Words
 during
this
Linking Words
 period
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 grew. From 2004 to 2006 number of
women
Use synonyms
 rapidly increased as a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of all people ;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 statistics for
men
Use synonyms
 were less than those of
women
Use synonyms
 and children. In 2006,
women
Use synonyms
 were at their peak ;
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 year number of
women
Use synonyms
 plummeted. And the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
menincreased
Correct your spelling
men increased
 by more than double , and
also
Linking Words
 the number of children remained the same in 2007 and 2008

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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