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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.
The two charts
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
show examples
 the percentage of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 by age in the government
scector
Correct your spelling
sector
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 United Kingdom from the period of 2015 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
over 50
Use the right word
over-50
show examples
 and 21-30
both
Use synonyms
 had
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 percentage in 2015.
However
Linking Words
, in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 the 21-30 had the highest ratio in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 periods. On the one side, in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 the under 21 had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 employe and it is
approximatily
Correct your spelling
approximately
 14 %.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the over 50 and 21-30
both
Use synonyms
 had 23 %
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in 2015.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2015 the 41-50 had 19 % staff
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
but it increased
9
Change preposition
by 9
show examples
% in 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
, England in the area of 31-40 had 21% employed who work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
.
At the end
Linking Words
, we can see that in 2015 the worker ratio started
14
Change preposition
at 14
show examples
% and ended 23%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 the 21-30 had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 staff and it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
33%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the under 21 and 31-40
both
Use synonyms
 had around
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 percentage of
employe
Use the right word
employees
show examples
. But,
Over
Fix capitalization
over
show examples
 50 had 16%
employe
Use the right word
employees
show examples
 and it declined 12% as compared to 41-50.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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