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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph compares the percentages of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK university.

The graph compares the percentages of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK university.
The proportions of international
students
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK
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students
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 attending second-class degrees or better
at
Change preposition
in
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 a certain major
UK
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 university are described in the bar chart. The data was collected in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most significant international
students
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’ figures can be seen in Information Technology
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 in the opposite was true for International Law.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the most noticeable
UK
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students
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’ figures can be seen in Art History, Sociology
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 in the opposite was true for Information Technology. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the major that
UK
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students
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more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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prefer, the figure for
UK
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students
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 attending
in
Change preposition
apply
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Art History and Sociology reached about 80%
while
Linking Words
 international
students
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 only a little behind. Nursing
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 more than 70% in both
UK
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 and international
students
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. International Law was chosen by about 70% of
UK
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students
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, approximately 23% higher than international
students
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. There are more than 70% of
UK
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students
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 and nearly 60% of international
students
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chosen
Wrong verb form
chose
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 English Literature. Both
UK
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 and international
students
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 reached 60% in Accountancy. Moving to the major that international
students
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more prefer
Correct word order
prefer more
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, Information Technology was chosen over 80% by international
students
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 and nearly 60% by
UK
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students
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. The figures for Electrical Engineering took up 80% by international
students
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, nearly 20% higher than
UK
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students
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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