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Band 5.5

20minutes on this task. The diagrams below show the amount of energy lost in 100 units when it is generated from black coal and when it is generated from brown coal.

20minutes on this task. The diagrams below show the amount of energy lost in 100 units when it is generated from black coal and when it is generated from brown coal.
The two flowcharts illustrate the
energy
Use synonyms
loss
Use synonyms
 during electricity generation from brown coal and black coal.
Overall
Linking Words
, both types of coal experience
energy
Use synonyms
loss
Use synonyms
 in three stages, with the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 wasted being fairly similar in each case.
However
Linking Words
, black coal tends to leave slightly more
energy
Use synonyms
 for
consumers
Use synonyms
 compared to brown coal. In the first stage, the fuel is transported to the power station. Once the fuel arrives, the
energy
Use synonyms
 conversion process begins. At
this
Linking Words
 point, a significant
amount
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 is lost. Brown coal loses 70
units
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 black coal loses 68
units
Use synonyms
, accounting for more than 60% of the total
energy
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the remaining
energy
Use synonyms
 is distributed to
consumers
Use synonyms
. During
this
Linking Words
 stage, a small
amount
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 is
further
Linking Words
 consumed in transit, with both coal types losing 3
units
Use synonyms
 each.
This
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
loss
Use synonyms
 is minimal but still noticeable.
Finally
Linking Words
, after all the
energy
Use synonyms
 losses, brown coal leaves 27
units
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 for
consumers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 black coal leaves slightly more at 29
units
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
energy
Use synonyms
loss
Use synonyms
 for both brown and black coal is quite substantial, black coal results in a slightly higher
amount
Use synonyms
 of usable
energy
Use synonyms
 for
consumers
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, loss, amount, consumers, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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