IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, employers might ask people applying for
jobs
Use synonyms
 about personal
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
,
such
Linking Words
 as their hobbies and interests, and whether
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 are married or single.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 might be useful, others argue that
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 personal information that has no
relativity
Check wording
relevance
show examples
 in
job
Use synonyms
 applications.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 view argue that
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 personal
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 might be useful.
This
Linking Words
 is because employers need to know who they are hiring, which can lead to
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 bond and
understandment
Correct your spelling
understanding
 between the manager and his employees.
For example
Linking Words
, a lawyer who needs an assistant
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his
lawyer
Replace the word
law
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right to know who
is he
Correct word order
he is
show examples
 hiring. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, personal
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 could be useful.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents believe that personal
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 divided from
work
Use synonyms
. They claim that personal life has nothing to do with
work
Use synonyms
 life or
job
Use synonyms
 performance, which results in
Correct article usage
a professionalism
show examples
professionalism
Replace the word
professional
show examples
work
Use synonyms
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
For instance
Linking Words
, doctors do not need to know anything about their
nurses
Check wording
nurses'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 as long as they do their
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently.
Therefore
Linking Words
, personal
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not required knowledge for a
job
Use synonyms
 application. I believe that employers have the right to ask about personal
Use synonyms
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 in certain
Use synonyms
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 applications, because
Use synonyms
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on the
job
Use synonyms
 and some
work
Use synonyms
enviroments
Correct your spelling
environments
 require
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 bond between employees, like acting
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example. A balanced approach might involve informing
job
Use synonyms
appliers
Replace the word
applicants
show examples
 that the employer might ask some personal questions, allowing people who do not like to share personal information to rethink their decision. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 both views are decent, I maintain that certain
jobs
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 certain information. The best approach is letting
appliers
Replace the word
applicants
show examples
 know that there will be personal questions.

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grammar/vocabulary
Fix wrong word forms and spell some words correctly. For example, use information rather than informations, and fix enviroment to environment.
grammar
Use simple and short sentence. Check tense and form.
coherence
Make each idea clear and show how it helps the task. Add one clear example for each point.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, because, so.
structure
Be sure your introduction and conclusion connect with the topic and not stray from it.
strength
Clear position on topic and some good balance of views.
strength
Good structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
strength
Some good examples used to show the point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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