IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

In today’s world, a dozen
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are
publishing
Wrong verb form
published
show examples
 every day,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 and more people can afford to buy the equipment to play. In my opinion,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 cut both ways
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I tend to say the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. First of all,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people mental advantages, release pressure,
for instance
Linking Words
. After a whole day
heavy
Change preposition
of heavy
show examples
 work or study, they can play with some
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 unwind. Take me
for example
Linking Words
, I usually play Minecraft
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 relax,
this
Linking Words
 is a kind of game that you can build anything you want in your own virtual world, it is a good way for me to clear my mind.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 sorts of
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 can encourage creativity, it is a good educational tool for children,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can use their imagination to
coin
Verb problem
create
show examples
 their world with a strong motivation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 enhance friendship or improve your socialisation
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, you
Punctuation problem
. You
show examples
 can make an appointment to play
games
Use synonyms
 with
whatever
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
your own fellows or new friends
, you
Punctuation problem
. You
show examples
 can have a chat more easily during
this
Linking Words
 leisure time because you are in the same place and synchronisation moods. And
also
Linking Words
 teamwork, with
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 division of
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
 to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 the same demanding target, like in a dungeon
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you and your team need to kill a
savagery
Replace the word
savage
show examples
 dragon.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 do have some problems as well,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will affect your skeleton and
visual
Replace the word
vision
show examples
 because you have to sit on a chair and gaze
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a screen for a
long-term
Use the right word
long time
show examples
 and lose track of time. Some
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 contain violent content,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is harmful to teenagers or even children.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that if we can form a good gaming habit and parents can take good care of their children,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 are outweighed by the advantages. In conclusion, responsible gaming provides mental and social benefits, but requires moderation and parental oversight to balance potential harms. Embracing the digital era, we should
maximize
Use the right word
maximise
show examples
 gaming's positives for a joyful and creative society.

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task response
Make your main idea clear in the first line and keep it in all points.
task response
Add more specific ideas and clear links to show why your view is true.
coherence and cohesion
Fix big grammar issues and short long sentences to be easy to read.
task response
You give your view and some real examples.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words like First and However.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a simple shape: intro, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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