IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Two
Correct article usage
The two
show examples
 graphs below illustrate the
number
Use synonyms
 of passengers on
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
trains
Use synonyms
 that were on
time
Use synonyms
, both were examined over a 9-year
period
Use synonyms
. Both of the figures fluctuated over the given
period
Use synonyms
 and grew
at the end
Linking Words
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
trains
Use synonyms
 running on
time
Use synonyms
 was always higher than it was in 2000. In 2000, the
number
Use synonyms
 of train passengers was around 40 billion
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 fluctuated over the given
period
Use synonyms
 and hit 45
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
 in 2009. At the beginning of the given
period
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
trains
Use synonyms
 that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 on
time
Use synonyms
 is 92%, lower than the target 3%.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 increased fast over a 2-year
period
Use synonyms
,
marked
Wrong verb form
marking
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 the first
time
Use synonyms
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
trains
Use synonyms
 running on
time
Use synonyms
acquired
Verb problem
exceeded
show examples
 the target. It grew gradually to 96% in 2004,
then
Linking Words
 quickly dropped back to 92% in 2006. In
2007
Punctuation problem
2007,
show examples
 it was 93% and had a sharp increase to 97% in 2008, surpassed the target one more
time
Use synonyms
, and remained flat for the remaining
period
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, percentage, trains, time, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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