IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working lives, while others think it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People hold contrasting perspectives on whether
employees
Use synonyms
 should remain with the same
company
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 for their entire career
life
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apply
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or switch vocations periodically.
This
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 essay will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both viewpoints and argue that strategic moves across firms accelerate growth,
although
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 staying in one
company
Use synonyms
 can learn more
detail
Replace the word
detailed
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skills
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. One main benefit of changing employers is that working in various companies can broaden one's
skills
Use synonyms
 and knowledge. The reason behind
this
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 is that different organisations have various
skills
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. It means, if
employees
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 periodically change their work, they can learn more technical abilities. Another positive impact is that, with
employees
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 changing their
company
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, their remuneration
also
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 spikes
up
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to up
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 higher level.
For instance
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, Taiwanese engineers usually change their
company
Use synonyms
 per year, because they want to earn more.
In contrast
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, someone might argue that remaining in the same
company
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 can help practice more specialised
skills
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.
This
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 is because when you do the same job for a long time, the assignments which your manager allocates to you will be harder.
Additionally
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,
due to
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youstaying
Correct your spelling
you staying
 for a long time, you must
familiar
Verb problem
be familiar
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 with the
company
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, so senior staff usually have the opportunity to become a manager. To summarise, both ways are defensible. Staying in the same
company
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 provides
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 salary and specialised experience,
while
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strategy changing career
Correct word order
changing career strategy
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 can
make
Verb problem
broaden
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 perspectives more widely. In my opinion, the best way is a hybrid strategy. It means
employees
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 can try various jobs to accumulate their
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 when they are young.
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Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
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 if they have enough knowledge, they can pursue a higher position and work in the same
company
Use synonyms
 for their whole career
life
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apply
show examples
.

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overall
Your essay talks about both sides and gives your view, but some parts are not clear. Make a short plan at the start and keep to it.
task response
In each paragraph start with the main idea. Use short, direct sentences to explain it.
task response
Add one more real example or fact to back your idea, not only one example.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like and, but, also, then to help flow.
coherence
Be clear on the result. End by restating your view and a short final thought.
content
You cover both sides and give your own view.
organization
The plan is clear with intro, two body parts, and a ending.
support
Some good ideas about growth and stability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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