IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“The distribution of water use for agricultural, industrial, and domestic purposes in different regions of the world.”

The six charts illustrate the usage of
water
Use synonyms
 for different
purposes
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as industrial
use
Use synonyms
, agricultural
use
Use synonyms
, and domestic
use
Use synonyms
 in six different
areas
Use synonyms
 of the world. 
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
Africa
Use synonyms
, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 account for the largest
use
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 for agricultural
purposes
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, North
America
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
, and
Europe
Use synonyms
 represent comparatively less
use
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 in agriculture.  Looking at
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
, in terms of industrial
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Africa
Punctuation problem
, Africa
show examples
, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 represent 7%, 5%, and 12% respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
, North
America
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
, and
Europe
Use synonyms
 make significantly more
use
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 for industrial
purposes
Use synonyms
 at 48%, 10%, and 63% respectively. Interestingly,
Africa
Use synonyms
, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 demonstrate higher levels of
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 for agricultural
purposes
Use synonyms
 at  84%, 89%, and 81%.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 North
America
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
, and
Europe
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 slightly less
water
Use synonyms
 for agriculture at 39%, 71%, and 32%  than other
areas
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the pattern is notably different in terms of domestic
use
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
Africa
Use synonyms
, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 account for 89%, 7%, and 3% of domestic usage.
In contrast
Linking Words
, North
America
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
, and
Europe
Use synonyms
 represent slightly more at 13%, 19%, and 15% respectively.  In summary, agricultural
use
Use synonyms
 is the pick in every six
areas
Use synonyms
 of the world
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 domestic
use
Use synonyms
 is significantly less, but industrial
use
Use synonyms
 shows a certain balance among different
areas
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Make sure you answer all parts of the task: give an overall view and a short end line that sums the main trend.
Task response
Check data carefully. Present numbers in a clear order and make plain comparisons between regions.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple, clear words and proper links for contrast, like but, however, and yet.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep a steady plan in each paragraph: one main idea in each paragraph and a short topic sentence.
Task response
Clear start line that gives the overall trend.
Coherence
Use of contrast words to show the difference between regions.
Task response
A short ending sentence that restates the main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: