IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?”

In the modern world,
gendar
Correct your spelling
gender
equalities
Fix the agreement mistake
equality
show examples
 has become
fundamental
Correct article usage
a fundamental
show examples
principal
Use the right word
principle
show examples
 of every progressive society.
Women
Use synonyms
 are increasingly proving their competence in various professions that were once considered
mail-dominated
Use the right word
male-dominated
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as aviation,
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
, and engineering. Some people hold a belief that
women
Use synonyms
 should not
allow
Wrong verb form
be allowed
show examples
 to join
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force because of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
demanding and risky nature of
this
Linking Words
 occupation. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as
women
Use synonyms
 are equally capable of performing
police
Use synonyms
 duties. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 argument argue that
police
Use synonyms
 roles require brute
strength
Use synonyms
 to tackle criminals, especially in encounter situations, which often
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
 in ladies
due to
Linking Words
 natural biological body structure.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they might not only compromise
themsevles
Correct your spelling
themselves
 but can
also
Linking Words
 become
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other officers.I totally contend that,
although
Linking Words
 in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
arguemnt
Correct your spelling
argument
 may
valid
Verb problem
have been valid
show examples
 due lack of advancements in technology, today modernisation
weapons
Check wording
apply
show examples
equip
Correct subject-verb agreement
equips
show examples
 officers with
such
Linking Words
 techniques that often require less
strength
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world everyone
deserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserves
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to join any occupation on the basis of their
capabilitities
Correct your spelling
capabilities
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
regardless of their gender, as it promotes a fair society without any discrimination.
In addition
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 have several natural capabilities which often
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
 in men
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
senstivity
Correct your spelling
sensitivity
. Numerous domestic violence cases where children and
women
Use synonyms
 are
vicitims
Correct your spelling
victims
, they
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a lady constable to examine the full situation and to understand the problem as they tend to be more
senstive
Correct your spelling
sensitive
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, several duties
such
Linking Words
 as searching and arresting lady criminals can only
perform
Wrong verb form
be performed
show examples
 by female
police
Use synonyms
 officers as per the law.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having a female officer is
requirement
Correct article usage
a requirement
show examples
 for the department of
police
Use synonyms
.
Check wording
department.
show examples
 In conclusion, in previous
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
due to
Linking Words
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
Check wording
technology
show examples
tech
Add a comma
tech,
show examples
 it was valid to say that
women
Use synonyms
 are not capable
to join
Change preposition
of joining
show examples
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 department as it required substantial physical
strength
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 advanced technology
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 provides cutting-edge weapons
require
Correct pronoun usage
that require
show examples
 almost no
strength
Use synonyms
,
Correct pronoun usage
it make
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it possible for ladies to serve in law enforcement.

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task response
State your view clearly in the opening line and keep this view in all your points.
coherence
Put your ideas in 4 clear paragraphs: intro, two or three body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
Use simple linking words to connect ideas (also, but, so, however) so the flow is easy to follow.
content
Give clear examples for each idea and explain how they support your point.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar; look at word form and use (are, were, was), and fix wrong words.
grammar
Make each sentence finish well and use proper punctuation.
strength
The writer shows a clear view that women can join police.
strength
Some good ideas are used, like the use of tech and law.
strength
The essay touches real issues like domestic violence and fair job rights.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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