IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar graph depicts the proportion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old and
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not work in different European countries in 2005,which was compared with the unemployed
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all
aged
Replace the word
ages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that Poland and Italy had significant
Use synonyms
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 between 15to 24
Use synonyms
years
Correct your spelling
24-year-olds
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and all
aged
Replace the word
ages
show examples
,
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 Poland
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 the most volume of
people
Use synonyms
 who did not work in every
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Germany and
Denmark
Use synonyms
 had
Denmark
Use synonyms
 slight
difference
Use synonyms
 ,around 5% ,
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
Denmark
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
having
show examples
 the
least
Use the right word
lowest
show examples
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
rate
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, over 33% of
people
Use synonyms
being
Verb problem
aged
show examples
 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old and 15% of all
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 in Poland that was unemployed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Italy and Hungary had
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
difference
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 unemployment ,at approximately 7% and 6%, respectively. Moving to the other groups, the percentage of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 in Germany had little
difference
Use synonyms
 between
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 to
24
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
years
Use synonyms
 old group and
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 unemployed
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just above 15% and sharply 10%, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Denmark
Use synonyms
 was the least that
people
Use synonyms
 in the country
did work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in every
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
, 6% for 15 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old and almost 0% for the
overall
Linking Words
 group.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 72%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, people, difference, denmark with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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