IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

Majority of the
Correct word order
The majority of
show examples
 countries close their primary and secondary schools for summer vacation for two months
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 more. The importance of having prolonged
holidays
Use synonyms
 and the arguments for making school
holidays
Use synonyms
 shorter are being discussed in the forthcoming essay. The adolescent
age
Use synonyms
 is when
children
Use synonyms
 have a major development in their character and cognitive abilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 when they have longer
holidays
Use synonyms
, they spend their
time
Use synonyms
 playing, interacting with friends and family members.
In addition
Linking Words
, the basic skills like communication, cooking and other household activities are learned during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Similarly
Linking Words
, it is very important for the
children
Use synonyms
 to have a break from the routine and enjoy the little things in life.
For instance
Linking Words
, most
children
Use synonyms
 during their vacations go visit their distant families and spend
time
Use synonyms
 with them
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps them build relationships and connections as well.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some people argue that shorter
holidays
Use synonyms
 have more advantages than longer
holidays
Use synonyms
. They state that
children
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school learning and interacting with other kids in the same
age
Use synonyms
 category.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, parents will have other commitments like work
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it hard to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, most parents have to find people to support them during
holidays
Use synonyms
 to look after their
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they are away at work.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having longer
holidays
Use synonyms
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in character, brain and skill development for
children
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 category
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, the shorter
holidays
Use synonyms
 are
in favour
Change preposition
favoured
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it might be stressful considering their child's safety.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add more real examples and facts to show why long holidays are good or not. Say what you think in the intro and keep that view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use more signal words to guide the reader. Start each paragraph with a clear line that tells the point. Keep sentences short and simple.
content
The essay covers both sides and a final view.
structure
Good use of linking words like 'On the contrary' and 'To conclude'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: