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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show employment rates of males and females of different ages and the average age of their youngest child in the UK in 2008.

The charts below show employment rates of males and females of different ages and the average age of their youngest child in the UK in 2008.
The chart provides information about the differences between women and
men
Use synonyms
 at work
according to
Linking Words
 their age and the average age of their youngest child in the UK during 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, women employees worked more than
men
Use synonyms
 at almost every age,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 were more likely to have a young child in a family. Ladies tend to work to earn a living during their adulthood and middle-aged periods of time.
In addition
Linking Words
, adults indicate 70% of working, and the percentage of middle-aged females reached 85%.
Therefore
Linking Words
, approximately 50-59 years old females' percentage differed slightly by 5%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 35% aged
men
Use synonyms
 who are over 60 are more likely to have a job,
while
Linking Words
 adult boys
also
Linking Words
 worked more than women in both periods of time.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 workers were dominant in having the youngest child. Interestingly, 75% of the youngest children between 6-20 remained the same.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 and females had the same percentage of toddler children reached , with 60% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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