IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Professional sports people are often idolised by young children. Some people think that they, therefore, have a responsibility to be good role models at all times for children. Do you agree or disagree?

Some famous sports personalities are widely
recongnised
Correct your spelling
recognised
 by almost every nation in the world. Some people believe that these stars have a responsibility to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
, as young kids are highly inspired
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 them. I agree with the statement that these sportsmen have a great influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and they have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 ability to spread
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good message among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no
doubts
Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
show examples
 that famous
athelets
Correct your spelling
athletes
 inspire
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to dedicate their time to learn the skill
while
Linking Words
 they are still young. As technology is getting advanced, these great personalities are being followed by the media and on their social media accounts like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 made sharing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their ideas, training and lifestyle
easy
Correct word choice
easier
show examples
 than ever before. Now people can watch them closely to know their behaviour outside the field.
For instance
Linking Words
, despite being the most
known
Correct word choice
well-known
show examples
 person in
mix
Replace the word
mixed
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 martial arts
'
Punctuation problem
,
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Jon Jones
'
Punctuation problem
apply
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been charged with several criminal activities like house
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
, drunk driving and
attempt
Replace the word
attempted
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
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murder
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 convey the wrong message to his fans.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these celebrities are highly recognised by the communities because of their influence and excellence in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 sport. These personalities encourage people to give their time and energy
in
Change preposition
to
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 a profession they enjoy rather than doing regular jobs. Most of them
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor family
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 with very limited
sources
Use the right word
resources
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
 able to make it
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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set
Wrong verb form
sets
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 an
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
 in the public and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation to do the same. These
sport persons
Use the right word
sportspeople
show examples
 tend to do the charities as well to give back to the community.
For example
Linking Words
, famous footballer 'Sadio Mane' opened
sveral
Correct your spelling
several
 hospitals and schools in his home town in Africa just to support the locals. In conclusion, professionals provide a path
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters to achieve big in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. They should be more
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
 in how they represent themselves among the public because it can impact
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of their followers. Not all the successful individuals should be followed
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 we must choose our role model wisely.

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task
Be clear with your view. State your agreement directly in the first or second sentence.
structure
Use a topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to show the main point.
cohesion
Connect ideas with simple words like and, but, also to show how ideas relate.
language
Check spelling and grammar; focus on common words and simple sentences.
examples
Give correct, simple examples and briefly explain how they support your point.
conclusion
Finish with a short ending that restates your view.
content
The writer makes a clear view and supports it with ideas.
content
Real world figures are used to back points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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