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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliance and amount of time spent doing houswork in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main featurs and make comparison where relevant

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliance and amount of time spent doing houswork in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main featurs and make comparison where relevant
The linear charts give information about the share of households with electrical tools
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and the weekly number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of household chores.
Overall
Linking Words
,
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of the
refigerator
Correct your spelling
refrigerator
 saw an upward trend
as well as
Linking Words
 the share of
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner,
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the percantage
show examples
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 differed
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the years. In the beginning,
percentage of the
Correct word order
the percentage of
show examples
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 was the lowest, but by 1960 it increased from 0 to 90, and
marked
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 the same for the remaining years. In 1920, shares of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and
vacuuem
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 were almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
 of 10 %, but in
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 doubled
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 share, the proportion of
wahsing
Correct your spelling
washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 declined by 10%. By 2019, shares of refrigerator and vacuum
machine
Use synonyms
 had as exactly as
proportion
Correct article usage
a proportion
show examples
 of 100,
while
Linking Words
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
machine
Use synonyms
 saw a rise of just over 70. Moving to weekly
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework per household, the time of household chores lessened between 1920 and 2019. In 1920, people spent most of their time on housework, until its
dramalical
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 fall from 50
hours
Use synonyms
 to just over 10
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2000. By 2019,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
hold
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
exact
Replace the word
exactly
show examples
 10
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, machine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliance
  • household
  • refrigerator
  • vacuum cleaner
  • washing machine
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • time spent
  • household chores
  • daily routines
  • technological advancement
  • affordable
  • efficient
  • lifestyle
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • impact
  • availability
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