IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, moving abroad apart from your companions and housemates for work has become a pressing issue in many nations.
While
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 some
contends
Correct subject-verb agreement
contend
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 that
this
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 migration has a lot of benefits, others argue that
such
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 relocation has detrimental consequences as well.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and explain my viewpoint too. These days, moving away from your family, in order to find
the
Correct article usage
an
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occupation
Punctuation problem
occupation,
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 has become a trend among individuals
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 the youth.
Such
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approach
Correct article usage
an approach
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 brings a lot of benefits for the youth and their families. First and foremost,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 the responsibility.
In Addition
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, individuals have to
organize
Use the right word
organise
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 things and time in order to earn
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 living for their families.
For instance
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, my brother moved to Canada in search of
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 opportunity, and after spending 2 years alone, he found himself
organized
Use the right word
organised
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 and responsible.
Secondly
Linking Words
, you get more time for yourself.
Furthermore
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, when you are near
to
Change preposition
apply
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your siblings and companions, you usually get less
vacant
Correct word choice
free
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 time for yourself. Apart from the advantages, relocating away from your family and friends
,
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apply
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 has negative points as well.
Firstly
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, the most important one is loneliness.
Consequently
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, when you move away from your close companions, you find yourself lonely and start noticing every single moment you have with them.
For example
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, whenever I talk to my cousin who recently moved away from me, I always
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 him lonely and talking about the memories
,
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apply
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 we once
cherish
Wrong verb form
cherished
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 with one another.
Additionally
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, the other negative point is depression.
Moreover
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, when you migrate to another place with some expectations, but in reality, things are different
you
Punctuation problem
, you
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found
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find
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 yourself in
state of a
Correct word order
a state of
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 disappointment. In light of the above facts, I admit there
a
Verb problem
are a
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lot of advantages of moving overseas for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work , really far from your close friends and family, but I believe that
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
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 effects clearly outweigh the positive points of migration.

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task response
Plan your answer with a clear view in the end.
coherence
Use two body blocks: one for good points and one for bad points, then a clear ending stating your view.
content
Give full points and back them with simple proof or example.
grammar
Fix grammar and word use. Do not mix ideas in one sentence.
lexical resource
Use common, short words. Avoid long or hard terms.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the issue
example
There is a real life example
structure
Intro and conclusion are present

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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