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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows a comparison of different kinds of energy production in France in 1995 and 2005.

The chart below shows a comparison of different kinds of energy production in France in 1995 and 2005.
The two pie charts compare the
sources
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 of
energy
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production
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 between 1995 and 200 5.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
while
Linking Words
 the comparison of
energy
Use synonyms
 in Pertro was the second-highest category over the period, the percentage of Gas and Coal was almost the same in both years. As the charts show , in 1995, two dominant figures of
power
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production
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 were Gas and Coal , with small differences (29.63% and 29.80%) respectively. The comparison of
energy
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production
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 in Petroleum was the second highest trend
,
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( with 29.27 per cent).Nuclear
power
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 accounted for just 6.40%,
while
Linking Words
 other
sources
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 contributed the smallest share at 4.90%. As for the next years,
By
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by
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 2005,interestingly, Gas and Coal
sources
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 were still the dominant categories of
energy
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production
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( 30.31 % and 30.80 %).
While
Linking Words
 other
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
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 and nuclear
power
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 were almost the same with 9.10% and 10.10 %, respectively, petroleum produced 19.55 per cent
power
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 as the second largest producer.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, energy, production, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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