IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the increasing use of technology in the workplace is good for young people’s prospects of gaining a job are harder for old people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the new world, the
use
Use synonyms
 of technology has increased extensively
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places of employment. The
use
Use synonyms
 of computers and
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 has become unavoidable to carry out the very common tasks in a company. Many individuals favour
this
Linking Words
 development, because it makes
much
Correct pronoun usage
it much
show examples
 easier for the youngsters to win a
job
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, at the same time,
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
becomes difficult for elders to do so . I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 fact
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that nowadays it is getting harder for the older generation to
proceed with
Verb problem
find
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs, and I will explicate my point in
this
Linking Words
 essay. To commence with, the progress in
technological
Correct article usage
the technological
show examples
 field has
immensively
Correct your spelling
immensely
 revolutionised the modern world, to
such
Linking Words
 an extent
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that we depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
machines to carry out most of our jobs. Whether it is marking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attendance or giving presentations, everything involves the excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of computers and
tabloids
Use the right word
tablets
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even if we have a doubt or want a supervisor's consultation, we have to
use
Use synonyms
 the mobile phones or
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
such
Linking Words
 as
teams
Fix capitalization
Teams
show examples
,
zoom
Fix capitalization
Zoom
show examples
, etc. Since the youngsters are more exposed to these kinds of electronics, it is very convenient for them to utilise these items to excel at their
job
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the elders get a little uneasy, as they have to learn everything from
very
Correct article usage
the very
show examples
basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
show examples
, and
hence
Linking Words
 the companies prefer hiring youth for a
job
Use synonyms
 as compared to someone older.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, we cannot deny the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior people come with more
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
 experience and have good leadership qualities. They introduce a wider perspective in the
job
Use synonyms
, and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 it easier to resolve any conflict
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work
place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
. Though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they might not be able to make much
use
Use synonyms
 of the modern
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
, but, with their insight and wisdom, they can assist their co-workers to increase their productivity.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that it is becoming harder for older people to
score
Verb problem
secure
show examples
 a
job
Use synonyms
 because of the changing work conditions and fundamentals
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
regardless
Rephrase
however
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, it needs to be
emphasized
Use the right word
emphasised
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that they fit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best in leadership roles. With the freshness of youngsters
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and the experience of olders, we can make any
job
Use synonyms
 easy and ethical, and any task worth performing.

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task response
Be clear on your view in the intro, and keep it in the rest of the essay.
task response
Add more clear points on why younger people do well with tech and why older people have hard work due to tools.
task response
Give simple, real examples from work life to back points.
coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph and use easy link words to move from one idea to the next.
task response
The writer takes a clear stance.
structure
The piece has a simple form: intro, 2 bodies, and conclusion.
coherence
Some linking words help flow between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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