IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that to achieve anything, you have to take a big step to make it happen.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that moving from families and friends has negative and positive sides, there are
also
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 arguments that oppose it. In my opinion, I consider that following your dream anywhere.
To begin
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 with, there are many advantages to travelling and moving away.
In other words
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, it is a crucial thing for young individuals to find their own way to success , and
this
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 will affect very well on there personality and make them more independent and more able to build themselves far from their community.
For example
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, one of my friends went to the UK after graduating from college to find a perfect opportunity , and now he is one of the richest people in the world , not only in our country.
On the other hand
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 , staying in a foreign country has some disadvantages, starting with feeling homesick and missing your family , and struggling with a lot of things to settle down , and sometimes you have to pay for rent and bills more than in your city.
For instance
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, Germany has a great opportunity for IT graduation , but a
also
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 has
a
Correct article usage
the
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 highest house rent in the world. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
This
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 Question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that where you find yourself and are able to build your future, follow your dream ,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 deal with the consequences.

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improvement
Plan your essay. Start with a clear view and tell the reader what you will say.
improvement
Use short, simple sentences. Check grammar and word form.
improvement
Make one idea in each paragraph. Use a way to move from one idea to the next.
improvement
Use better and stronger examples to back your point.
improvement
Look at spelling and punctuation, like capital letters and the way you write 'their' and 'there'.
strength
The essay shows a view that people may move to chase their dream.
strength
Both sides are talked about, not just one idea.
strength
The writer uses linking words like 'On the other hand' and 'For instance'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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