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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows data on books borrowed during this period by category, while the line graph shows the number of books read in four distinct months of 2014 from four rural town libraries.

The pie chart shows data on books borrowed during this period by category, while the line graph shows the number of books read in four distinct months of 2014 from four rural town libraries.
The line graph illustrates
amount
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of
books
Use synonyms
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been read in
four
Use synonyms
 different months in 2014 from
four
Use synonyms
 countryside town libraries,and the pie chart demonstrates statistics of
books
Use synonyms
,by categories that were borrowed over
this
Linking Words
 time. As can be seen from the graph,borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 in the
four
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
varies
Correct subject-verb agreement
vary
show examples
 considerably.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 West Eaton went upward in each
month
Use synonyms
,before August number of book readers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 substantially more in comparison with
September
Punctuation problem
September,
show examples
 since by that time
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of readers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 practically as
many
Correct word choice
same
show examples
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
as before.Church Mount individuals have borrowed slightly
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 compared with others.
Moreover
Linking Words
 growth of fans
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 upward
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 trend.In
four
Use synonyms
villages
Punctuation problem
villages,
show examples
 the Sutton wood leavers
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 prone to borrow
books
Use synonyms
 from
bookshop
Correct article usage
the bookshop
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the
begging
Use the right word
beginning
show examples
 of the
Use synonyms
month
Add a comma
month,
show examples
 statistics were significantly more than in August
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 the reason that
amount
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of book readers
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 declined dramatically
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it rose gradually in September and became the best outcome for
village
Correct article usage
the village
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Ryeslip
Punctuation problem
, Ryeslip
show examples
 residents felt
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 by each
month
Use synonyms
,in comparison with
others
Use the right word
the
show examples
 number of borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 fell gradually. The pie chart demonstrates
types
Correct article usage
the types
show examples
 of
books
Use synonyms
 that were read in 2014.By that
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 most individuals had been interested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
fiction
Correct article usage
the fiction
show examples
 genre,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 almost half of it.The other categories have almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amounts.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 only 19% of
books
Use synonyms
 were biographies.
Tiny
Correct article usage
A tiny
show examples
 majority have chosen
self-help
Correct article usage
a self-help
show examples
 genre book,
although
Linking Words
 practically as many people choose history and science
manual
Fix the agreement mistake
manuals
show examples
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
 majority have chosen
fiction
Correct article usage
the fiction
show examples
 category.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, four, month with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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