IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of both male and female people in six different age groups in Australia doing regular physical activity in 2010. The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of both male and female people in six different age groups in Australia doing regular physical activity in 2010. The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the proportions of Australian male and female
physicals
Fix the agreement mistake
physical
show examples
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 from 15 to 24
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 keen to
carried
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 out
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular
exersices
Correct your spelling
exercises
 rather than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
at
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 and over.
Although
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 at 15 to 24
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less
actived
Correct your spelling
active
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
adults
Check wording
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
around
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25 to 55
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 more
actived
Correct your spelling
active
 in
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 2010, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
male
Change preposition
of male
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 were regularly
actived
Correct your spelling
active
 in physical
acivities
Correct your spelling
activities
.
However
Linking Words
, adults from 25 to 34 were less
actived
Correct your spelling
active
 with approximately 42,2 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 situation continued
to
Change preposition
in to
show examples
 group
age
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44 with 39,5 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Evidently,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
at
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 45 to 64
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had more intention in physical exercises with 45,1 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, 46,7 per
cent
Use synonyms
 man at
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 65 and over did the regular exercises.
Although
Linking Words
 female
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less
actived
Correct your spelling
active
 around 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 rather
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, in
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
 of
age
Use synonyms
 25 to 64, women were more keen
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 regular physical exercises than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 group of
age
Use synonyms
, women
Check wording
group, women
show examples
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
 more
actived
Correct your spelling
active
 than a man with 47,1 per
cent
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • percentage
  • age groups
  • regular physical activity
  • participation rates
  • significantly higher
  • notable exception
  • decline
  • social factors
  • cultural influences
  • public health implications
  • demographics
  • engagement in physical activities
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