IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that universities should focus primarily on providing graduates with specific vocational training and practical skills for the workplace, rather than teaching a broad range of traditional academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued by some that Colleges and Institutes should provide students with
hand-on
Use the right word
hands-on
show examples
 experiences and internships for their career
instead
Linking Words
 of instructing them
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
wide
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
variety
show examples
 of worthless academic
programs
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as it leads to reducing
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
Use synonyms
graduates
Change preposition
among graduates
show examples
 and improving their
life's
Check wording
apply
show examples
quality. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with practical
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 because
They
Fix capitalization
they
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
are ready to work and don't need to gain skills.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why a majority of skilled
graduates
Use synonyms
 have better career opportunities than
people
Use synonyms
 who just study theoretical materials. That means more
people
Use synonyms
 will find jobs and reduce the number of unemployed individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan had a huge experience with unemployment in
90s
Correct article usage
the 90s
show examples
changing
Punctuation problem
, changing
show examples
 university curricula to practical
programs
Use synonyms
 contributed to
declining
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 the practical unemployment to its lowest level. Vocational and practical
programs
Use synonyms
 provide
graduates
Use synonyms
 with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 standard of living. Hands-on
programs
Use synonyms
 graduate students have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 ability to solve problems and
simply
Replace the word
simplify
show examples
 the complexities. These qualities are essential for employees to get
senior
Correct article usage
a senior
show examples
 position or promotion.
Thus
Linking Words
, improving their incomes and satisfying their requirements.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 the vast majority of high positions are occupied by
graduates
Use synonyms
 trained
practical
Change preposition
in practical
show examples
 training in their universities,
respect
Change preposition
with respect
show examples
 to their peers who had just theoretical academic subjects. In conclusion, I agree that universities should prepare their
graduates
Use synonyms
 for
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 by teaching them
hand-on
Use the right word
hands-on
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
 and vocational training
instead
Linking Words
 of theoretical academic lectures because
this
Linking Words
 would play a significant role in reducing
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate and improving
graduates
Use synonyms
’ financial situation.

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task response
In task response, make your view clear at the start and stay with it. Add 2 strong ideas and give a simple example for each idea.
coherence and linking
In coherence and linking, link ideas well. Start each paragraph with a main idea and use small link words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example'. Check the flow from one idea to the next.
stance
Clear view is shown.
structure
Conclusion is present and closes the topic.
content
Some good idea on job and life change.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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